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Agar Tum Sath Ho...

1 AM
Arijit is crooning ‘Bedard thi, zindagi, bedard hai..’ as I take a drag and smile at the irony of Kamil’s lyrics. "Rahman and Kamil are the perfect combos, Yash, and they always get me high!" You used to tell me, and I often wondered how you’d feel if I said to you that I was high on you.

2 AM
I realize it’s been eight months since we last talked. Honestly, the passing time hasn’t been that difficult. Most days are perfectly normal. Good, even. But every once in a while, comes a day that is the exact opposite. The day I miss you like maybe Rahman misses his Piano or Tendulkar misses his bat. Perhaps this is nostalgia. Or perhaps I am just lonely. I don’t know what this is. I just know that maybe I still love you.

3 AM
I am reading our old chats. I sometimes wonder who this guy was. How is he so happy! Goofy pictures, poor jokes, cheesy songs, intense poetry, and, most importantly, that warm feeling of home. Maybe that’s what you were. Home!

4 AM
And vulnerability is never a good combo. You overestimate the power of prayer in mighty what ifs. You cry and laugh at your own messed up heart. You feel the pain, the anger with such ferocious intensity that you lose yourself in it.

The next day will be fine, though. I will know that my mind was playing cruel games with me and that WE can never be. Being a romantic at heart, I initially felt that days like these are what’ll make my quintessential Bollywood love story super interesting. Maybe as Tara returned to Ved, you’ll someday come looking for me after you have realized how we were meant to be. But with time, I have realized that my story is not special at all. It’s terrible. There is no poetry in sadness. Maybe when Irshad says, ‘Mujhe lagta hai batein dil ki, hoti lafzon ki dhokebazi,’ he was trying to tell us this...

It’s 6 AM, and winter rains are roaring outside as I realize that maybe sadness isn’t poetry, but poetry works as a perfect escape from sorrow. I am done writing this as Alka finally says, ‘Agar tum saath ho…Agar tum saath ho,’ as I walk away.
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