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No Time For "Transphobia"!

The rickshaw wala asked if he could onboard another passenger. Trampling on my hesitant approval, he came sat next to me. Cosied up on a cycle rickshaw as it peddled forward.

I think there are no bigger signs for a feeling as ones when we are tentative – the fidgeting, the clamminess, the unpurposeful whistling, the show of looking the other way. – there’s just so much, given away so easily. And I am sure I did too. For I was excessively aware that I was sitting next to an eunuch but more so because of what he asked next.

Darr lag rha hai? (Are you scared?) I nodded away – no – managing a nervous half-smile and a plastered silence. But our conversation escalated when he admitted his next sentence – hum bhi toh insaan he hain (We too are humans). I shot a glance at him, at his face. The 14-year old me didn’t know any better. But when I retrospect today, I wonder what would have hurt more – to have someone look at you with un-bargaining denial or with sympathetic acceptance.

Our laughter never really rose above the differential rungs of our identities. But it did travel. Briefly, be it may. I had rallied the rickshaw for only a kilometre so I got down first but what he said next is why I am telling this story today.

Throughout the ride, he referred to himself as a collective noun – “hum bhi toh insaan hi hain” (We too are humans) – but as I was leaving, he finally let that baggage go. He spoke about himself, umambiguously identifying as a female. In that moment as the rickshaw was trailing away, I saw her find her courage and spare me the stomach for it. For she understood, her rebellion didn’t have to be at war with my mind. At least, not back in 2009.

But, it is 2020 now.

More than a decade since I have held this story inside.
More than a decade since I watched her silhouette battle and then disappear under the streetlamp.
More than a decade for our collective conscience to rise.
More than a decade since I heard that hauntingly existential cry for approval.

More than a decade. At least, a decade.

It’s time!

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