My ring tone dragged me out of sleep.
Squinting, I try to see past the burning brightness of my phone.
As my tired brain tried to make out the ten digits, I was mentally cursing the person who'd call me this late at night.
"Hello," I said, rubbing my eyes.
"Hey, did I wake you?" asked a husky voice. I immediately jolted up, not because of its deep tone, but because I knew it all too well.
It was the voice with whom I'd spent hours on the phone.
It was her voice.
"I know it's late. But are you free?" she asked.
"Uh..uh.. yeah sure," I stammered.
It had been months since we'd spoken.
Apparently, exes can't be friends.
"I am aware it's been long, but I need to talk to you," she said.
Those words immediately brought a smile to my face.
Had she been thinking about me?
The butterflies came back to life in my stomach.
"I know it's selfish of me to talk to you about this, but I didn't know who else to go."
I was confused now.
What is she talking?
"There's this boy."
My heart sunk.
"He's so different. Really different. He makes me want to be a better person. He's so strong, I mean after everything he's been through he's still so happy. He inspires me..."
Her excited voice continued speaking, but I couldn't hear anymore. It's like my brain stopped trying to understand what she was saying.
My throat went dry, and my vision started to go blur.
"You there?" she asked, just now noticing that I hadn't said anything in a while.
"Yeah," I replied, struggling to hide my shaky voice.
She continued, and it hurt knowing that she didn't realize that I was crying.
I couldn't help but wonder what I'd done wrong. Why couldn't I be that boy for her?
Why had I failed to make her feel this way?
My eyes were stinging now.
And suddenly it hit me.
Just because she was the love of my life, doesn't mean I was her.
And even if that breaks my heart, it was the truth.
She deserved to be as happy as she made me feel.
So I wipe my tears and continue listening to her.
With a heavy heart, but a smile on my face, I wish for a happy ending this time, even if the love story wasn't mine.
Tujhse Naraaz Nahi Zindagi is a landmine of life’s wisdom. Despite being tapped into countless number of times, it still has more to offer. Its layered texture is without the overbearing appendages of pretence. No wonder it is wielded by the pen of Gulzar Saab, one of country’s most aware and prominent literary voices. In its own right this summons life to a center table. And then submits to it. Ensues an engaging conversation that I’ve never had the courage to move away from. For it has often felt a bit too personal when pain is made to sound like a due to be paid. In lieu of life’s grand moments. But isn’t that true? Even without the poetic justice. Come to think of it, don’t we always carry the pain like a tagged baggage? How terribly independent though are our joys, squared up only by infrequent bouts of nostalgia. Barely anybody has spoken about adversity with such poignancy. Life’s hard questions are not innocent whims but Gulzar Saab, a stellar wordsmith, romanticizes pain ...
Umm. What to say i don't know. I don't know whose story of it. Regard it many of us who faced it. Whatever, love it heartily.
ReplyDeleteFor once it made me feel, you will give it a happy ending.... but Yash is Yash ;)
ReplyDeleteHolding on to emotions is what a writer does at his best, like you!!!